The Bussis Stop: Anna's Weekly Update- 52 Weeks- 1.22.2017

We did it, we made it to our last weekly picture! I can't believe it! Anna turns one on Monday! And what a sweet precious girl she is turning into. I'll do a special blog for her birthday so I won't get into much here.

So this picture brings back memories of last Sunday :)

We're going to go a little bit on a rabbit trail here. So this afternoon I sat down at my computer with the intention of starting this blog (didn't get around to it till tonight of course :)) and I turned on Pandora on my phone and the first song that started playing was "If We're Honest" by Francesca Battistelli. I like this song, it has a really pretty melody. But the words really struck me this afternoon:

Truth is harder than a lie
The dark seems safer than the light
And everyone has a heart that loves to hide
I'm a mess and so are you
We've built walls nobody can get through
Yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do, ever do

Bring your brokenness, and I'll bring mine
'Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy's waiting on the other side
If we're honest
If we're honest

And so I feel like I need to be honest. Last Sunday morning was a very hard morning for me. I was broken, but it was good. It started off really good actually. Steve was still in California so I was on my own to get everyone ready for church and I had to be there early to practice with the Sunday school, and I did it, I got us all there just after 9:00! I was pretty proud of myself (do you know what they say about pride? :)). I had to play for the offertory, but that is when David and Jonathan go to Children's Church downstairs so I figured they didn't need anyone to sit by them (if I'm playing for the service someone sits with them). So before I went up to the piano I reminded them that when I started playing they needed to go to Children's Church. So I went up to the piano and played for the offertory. As I got to the end of the song out of the corner of my eye I could see David still sitting in the bench (we were in the 2nd row). I thought "That's weird, he didn't go to Children's Church), but oh well, no biggie, he just stays in church. I found out later there was quite the drama going on while I was playing because Jonathan did want to go to Children's church and was very upset that David was not going with him so he was trying to drag David which wasn't working and finally the lady sitting behind them who happened to be teaching it that day picked up Jonathan and took him with her. :) So I go down to the bench when I'm done playing and ask David why he didn't go and he said he didn't want to. I said that's fine. And it was... until half way through the sermon when David decided he now wanted to go to Children's Church. I told him he couldn't go anymore, and he didn't like that answer, so he took off out of the bench down the middle isle. So I took off out of the bench on the outside isle to cut him off at the back, unfortunately at the back he saw me and took off back down the middle isle, got to the 2nd row, and just turned around and looked at me in the back and of course ignored me when I pointed my finger for him to come by me. So I went down the middle isle so that Micah would block him in on the outside of the isle and I'd block him from the middle isle. It worked and I put him on my lap and got a workout trying to hold him down as he fought to get off my lap and out the bench again. I finally pinched him to get him to stop (okay seriously, what good did I think that would do?!) which of course made him cry, very loudly. So out the bench we went with me carrying him under one arm. Thankfully there is a door right in the front there that I quickly went out of with him. At this point he did not want to go to Children's Church and he didn't want to go back in church. I really just wanted to go home but poor Micah was sitting in the bench all by himself so that wouldn't work. I finally got David calmed down enough that we went back in church. And then for some reason I was able to pay attention to the sermon and started hearing about what it takes to be a disciple of Jesus. And I started feeling horrible. Because the first thing was to be reading your Bible. And I'll be honest, I don't read my Bible very often. We read a children's Bible at dinner every night, but otherwise I'm not very faithful at reading it. I have a hard time getting my Bible study done in time. And I use the excuse that at this time in my life I'm just really busy with my kids. I still have fellowship with God, I talk to Him, I go to church, I love listening to Christian music and for me that really is a time where I connect with God, but I'm not very good at taking the time to sit down and read my Bible. And I'd been okay with that, thinking that when life isn't so crazy busy, when our kids are in school, I'll have more time spend in the Bible. So I was getting kind of mad at the pastor (who wasn't Steve :)) because how could he make me feel so horrible?! But then I thought about the fact that that very morning I had gotten up at 6:15 to do my workout since I hadn't been able to do it the day before. So how come it is so important to me to do my workout but not to read my Bible? And then another part of being a disciple is being a mentor/role model, and after what had just happened with David I was feeling like anything but a role model. And then it was time to sing after the sermon and we were singing the song "Here I am Lord" and I tried to sing, but I couldn't, because I felt so broken. So I stood there in the second row holding David who was crying because he was just not himself (I'm convinced he missed Steve because he was off until we picked Steve up the next day and then the kid didn't shut up the whole rest of the day, he just kept telling Steve anything and everything :)), crying, and not just a few tears, constant tears streaming down my face, not able to sing, trying with everything in me not to completely break down. It wasn't much better after church, I went out that front door so I didn't have to turn and look at everyone behind me, grabbed Jonathan from children's church, went to the nursery to get Anna where someone tried to help me and I just burst into tears again as David was crying in the corner, so I handed Anna off to this kind lady, grabbed David and we went straight home. :) And I cried some more. :)

So why do I share this. Well, I feel like I need to show you that I do not have it all together. :) I'm not a perfect pastor's wife. I have failings and shortcomings too. It was a hard day but a good day because for one thing, I was surrounded with love by people from our church (I had many sweet texts of encouragement and one lady even came over that afternoon to watch the kids so I could have an hour by myself which I spent in my newly painted office doing my Bible study) and two, I realized that I needed to make more of an effort to be in the Word and honestly, it has been such a great week. My Bible study is doing an awesome study on I Corinthians and I've learned so much this week and am so thankful to the pastor for being willing to point out my shortcomings (not directly to me but I felt like it was for me).

So, all that to say that Sunday morning was rough, so Sunday night I decided we just needed to stay home and the boys and I made Monkey bread

They had watched The Pioneer Woman with me the day before and she had made it so they said they wanted to make it, so we did. And then we decided to make pudding, which of course you need whip cream for, so we made some whip cream. And then Micah said what's really good with chocolate pudding is brownie chunks, so we made brownies. :) Baking is very therapeutic for me, so it was a great night.